Apr 14, 2010

Power Struggle with Your Toddler?



Tantrum & whining are the tools our toddler use to get thing to go their way. Can't really blame them coz they don't really know that they should use WORDs to express what they want, right?

However, these tools can also turn sour bila our kids learn that it can be a manipulative tools to control the parents. This is where the power struggle begin..The HORROR!! Anak saje nak test power tu.

Imagine this, tengah keluar jalan-jalan happy-happy satu family dengan anak tengah syok sengih-segih, suddenly anak amuk. Reason, dia nak jalan tak mau pegang tangan. Adus....naik darah kan? Sometimes kita tengah masak and dia tengah main elok-elok kat tepi, tiba amuk entah apa benda tak kena. Rupanye nak gendong or berkepit dengan kita. Selagi tak dapat apa nak, dia takkan hush. Then comes the battle tak nak makan real food, nak candy or snacks saje. Even there are bath time & tooth brushing battles. What to do?

Ye la, we know that "terrible twos" is just a phase. But nak tak nak, we need to set the limit, kan? Kalau kurang iman tu, rasanye mau senang setan cucuk-cucuk until naik darah kita sebab anak kan? Even studies shows that physical punishment & we use stern voice tak jalan sangat to some kids or some situations.

From my reading, I found that the key skill that we may need to develop is the ability to not react emotionally to her screaming, in this way not reinforcing it. Even some studies shows that babap or stern tone in reaction to kids ill behavior may cause the kid to be a bit violence bila besar (may cause tau, not will...coz studies also have shown, kids yg when thru such disiplin will be mature faster if we properly postively reinforce disipline on them too..so i guess different method works on different kids kan?).

It's about being smart in this power struggle. Its time for us to use our politician skills. It's putar belit time ladies!
Mommies, pick & choose your battle. Then offer options. But make sure the outcome will make our toddler feels as if she's being treated like an adult.

Example of battles:

1) Meal time

Wrong Question- Miya nak makan?
Right way to ask- Miya nak makan nasi sedap or yummy pasta? or Miya nak jadi hungry dinosor or hungry bear?

2) Bath time

Wrong Question- Miya nak mandi now?
Right way to ask- Miya nak mandi pastu pakai baju cantik yang mana satu? Pantz or Pretty Dress?

3) Stop Doing the Stuff that is a No-No

Wrong way to say- No! Jangan degil! Stop
Right way to handle- Jom main benda lain. Jom pegi cari monster. Jom watch tv
Just try do stuff yang boleh buat budak tu lupa on why dia nak tantrum in the 1st place.

Note to self and you mommies out there- Dont reward her for her ill behaviours. Nanti dia ingat, next time if I buat perangai, I'll get something that I want. (Kena ingatkan diri ni coz I selalu aje sedar tak sedar went for that rewarding method too...Aiyooo)



If you mommies out there ada tips & example to share on how to handle power stuggle ni, do share in my comment box. Boleh bagi idea kalo-kalo nanti I face similar situation later.

16 comments:

yatie chomeyl said...

nice tips....will apply i to baby SN also ;) sebab baby SN dah tunjukkan gejala2 tantrum ni huhuhu

ummiluqman said...

wah miya pun dah besar dah banyak gigi..skrg miya dah pandai buat apa?

:cahya: said...

setuju!

paij188 said...

i did the same method. kena psiko sikit budak2 ni.. klu tak mmg susah.

temp. housewife said...

that's what I've learnt from my kiwi firends too. They always redirect chidlren's attention and give them two options.

sue said...

tips ni berguna sangat!

donarose said...

Mama Miya I love your blog. very informative, it's just that I have to keep the link so by the time my baby is around the age, I only can apply those tips. hehe.

Anyway, I just passed you an award. pls drop by if you'd like to pick it up :P (i don't care even if you have got it from someone else :))

♥ LeeN ♥ said...

seriously.... sebenarnya kita dulu yang kena 'get a grip' sebelum diorang throw tantrum kan? hahaha. leen salu je tak saba.. hhuhu. bad.

tp teknik yg paling berkesan is, distraction. btul. dr struggle dengan diorang, baik distract cecepat. less mess.

Confession of a Coffeeholic Mama-Miya said...

yatie chomeyl--> bagus, kena awal2 kumpul ilmu di dada. so takde la jd cam i panic bila awal2 dulu face situation miya amuk kat city.

ummiluqman-->miya pandai macam2, banyak yg boleh di banggakan....tapi yg memeningkan pun sama byk gak. cobaan.......

cahya--> :D lain budak lain ragam, lain scene lain solution. yang pastinye tantrum tetap ada....aduss..

paij188-->tu la kena psiko budak2, takut lama2 kita psiko..doa2 la kesabaran kita leh accept situation tu kan?

temp.housewife--> kiwi punye method mmg lembutkan? eventho they look garang. do divert attention is one of the best method famous around the world la ye?

sue--> sharing aje apa yg works for me. kekadang tak work gak, ikut brape kuat angin ribut taufan amukan miya la..kalo ada anytips, share la eek?

donarose--> sharing is caring..i slalu post on stuff yg i br belajar or i baru experience. so kalo ada yg in the same boat, takde la kita terkial2 nak cari solution. anyway thanx for the award...

leen--> betul tu, kita kena bersedia sebelum it happen. bila nampak tanda2 awal, cepat2 la taichi the bad vibe tu.

lin said...

haha i guess your entry ni mesti psl entry i smlm kan?kekeke...
good tips..nanti i kena practise gak.i ni dhla kurang sabar...haish...bad mother i am..huhu

Confession of a Coffeeholic Mama-Miya said...

lin--> eh tak la..bukan u aje..i think ramai moms yg anak lebih kurang baya anak kita ni tgh pening face tantrum trouble...i baru2 ni tak dpt complete shopping brg2 dlm list just coz miya tetibe tantrum tak nak duduk dlm stroller. pening oo camne nak handle dia tantrum, tak nak dok dlm stroller & nak jalan2 sendiri tak pegang tgn....sambil tu kita kita complete the shopping kan?

Mila_ibu najihah said...

mama miya-sama la focus kita this week. Since sy watch Nanny 911 tu, byk juga la boleh belajar bab menangani tantrums ni.Tp bab distract attention tu mmg best, mmg sy pun da try, it works..well,most of the time. Najihah ni satu lagi dia suka merengek or just nangis je bila nak sesuatu, kita pun tak paham dia nak apa, tapi pelan2 i da ajar dia spy 'use word not cry' so sy lead her way la..sbb dia pun tak reti sgt bcakap lagi, n itupun ada improvement.anyway, tips yg two choice tak pernah try lagi..Thanks 4 sharing.

Umi Nuha said...

tips yang berguna. thx for sharing.

lepas ni kena ckp ngan anak saya "Nuha nak gosok gg guna berus gg cantik ni, isi ubat gg ke tak mo ubat gg?" :-)

AlohaMolly said...

I like this one! Thx for sharing!

-hanum- said...

Agree agree agree..

Marah, mengamuk or corporal punishment is a no no option!! Especially corporal punishment ye... mmg boleh buat budak jadik aggressive dan jadi pembuli!!

Hehehe... tapi I pon kekadang klo dah penat sgt tu... tertinggi jugak suare nye..

Just nak add sikit on diverting their attention to alternative behavior/stuff.. I do reinforce Nisa' immediately after she sucessfully redirected to the stuff that I plan her to be redirected

And the praise must be immediate and focused praise..

Contoh: Nisa' mengamuk nak pakai gincu 'crayon'... I akan divert her attention pergi carik sticker Pooh Bear. Once dia dah pegang sticker tu I akan puji dia "Waahhh... Nisa' pandai la main sticker Pooh!Yeayyyyyyy.. Jom main lekat2.. (kene penuh emosi dan animasi ye)"

REDIRECT AND REINFORCE!!

itu lah care saya dan selalunye berkesan... :)

Meara Lecia said...

very informative!! keep it up!

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Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor nor am I a lawyer. I am not a scientist nor am I an expert. I am just a wife and a mother, who is putting her thoughts and findings in a blog. All of the posting on this website & my blogs were written by me for educational purposes and as my sentimental library, but are not meant to diagnose nor treat any medical disorders. Any other materials that I may have quote from other published materials are for educational purposes only and not for any other manipulative reasons. Anyway, whatever weird stuff that I published are the real stuff that I believe works for me. Tips and tricks that might work for me. You are free to put it in your head if you thinks its valuable, but if you think its rubbish... Please don't mock me. Do please shut your pie hole.
 
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