Jun 4, 2009

Mommies coping with stress (part 4-Me deciding on quiting job to be stay at home mom?)

During my entire career as a working-mother, I have been torn, pushed and pulled between my job as a mom and the one that earned me a paycheck. For so long I wished I could afford to be a stay-at-home mom, longing to be with my baby when she is still tiny and being disappointed at how many events I had to miss because they occurred during the day while I’m at work.

Be careful what you wish for. Now that I took a way out of my working life by being a student. We took out a bank loan of RM100K and left everything in Malaysia to start out life here in Melbourne. I defaulted my PTPTN repayment scheme, we rented out our condo thinking that it will pay out by itself and we loaned out Cefiro to my FIL. The money we borrowed from the bank is supposed to be sufficient to sustain out living in the land downunder for only about few months til end of May 09 and so the rest of the cost of my studies and our expenditure will later be covered by my hubby’s salary. However, fate works in Allah’s mysterious ways, my hubby had been laid off by the company that he was working with for only 2months and now he had applied for a thousand jobs. So far only 2 job interviews and no luck yet. Insyaallah...Our cash is only enough to cover our rent & spending for max of 2months only. So doa that our luck will turn to the better within these 2 months. Insyaallah...

Anyway, back on topic, between me being at home studying, doing my take-home exams, doing research, trying to write my research paper and hubby being at home on job-hunts, I still feel like I’m working all the time. I’m glued to the computer all day (partly doing relates to studies, besides blogging, chatting, watching anime/movies/series& playing games), I’m doing housework, I’m nursing, I’m babysitting, I’m teaching and etc. Usually by 10pm, I’ll be looking worse that ‘orang lidi’, drained and frail. Wonder if my hubby feels the same way because he is also always in front if the PC, babysitting, once or twice a week doing the laundry, and teaching Miya.

Truthfully, there are times I wish I am at work. There I can do better in concentrating on thoughts and it is when I get most of my “me time”. Also I wish that I’m working, so that we can have extra cash and I can get Miya covered under IHI and be insured for USD1.2million (that’s one of the benefit I got when I was working. That’s why I could afford to get pre & post natal care under specialist in Gleneagles Intan MC and deliver Miya for free. Stayed in their best suite for 5days!) But would I really had enjoyed any of this since I’ll be away from Miya?

Some experts in early childhood development believe there's no substitute for the consistency and nurturing of parental care. So it doesn’t really matter if you are a stay at home mom, or you sent your child to babysitter, daycare or Montessori. However, as a stay-at-home parent you'll know that your child is being cared for by someone who's going to be around for a long time and not a caregiver who might take another job next month. Right? And you'll be directly supervising your child's care, making sure it's in a relaxed, nurturing environment.

And you'll be there to see all those "firsts," which can be incredibly satisfying. These few days I was so proud hearing Miya saying a few words that actually bring meaning to communication. She said hat to Dipsy’s hat. She said cat when she saw my desktop icon. Last night she said baby when I showed her pictures when she was a baby.

For some families, it's actually less expensive for one parent to stay home than it would be to pay for childcare. (For moms who wants to consider the option to stay at home, read more about measuring the cost of staying home.)

And if you can afford it, you may find that staying home reduces your stress level. Many parents decide to stay home after trying unsatisfactorily to balance work and family. The long hours and the feeling of cutting too many corners leaves them feeling burned out.

In this modern world, we can say that “coin has two sides”. Money can be good and can be evil. This is factual because I am feeling it. I feel worried when I go groceries shopping; up to the point I calculated that the price of 1 chicken wing is cheaper than 1 egg. I had to plan for daily menu that can save us money. I feel guilty if I need to buy any skincare and cosmetics. I sometimes had lost the desire to look at apparels. Huhuhuhu...But at the same time, this money sustains our life and does makes us feel good to feel alive.

Anyway, before thinking of being a stay at home parent, check out some facts 1st. Do a reality check.

1. You may also find yourself worrying about when and how you'll resume your career and whether you'll be penalized for taking time off.

2. And while you won't be shelling out thousands of dollars each year for childcare, choosing to stay home is a complicated economic decision. Many families with a stay-at-home parent find they have to budget carefully and devote more time to bargain hunting than before. You might have to substitute camping trips for hotel vacations, cook at home instead of eating out regularly, and make other lifestyle choices that may not be appealing.

3. Also, as your child grows into toddlerhood and becomes more active and social, he'll miss out on the automatic socialization that happens in daycare and other group care situations. Some stay-at-home parents find that after a certain age, providing enough stimulation is challenging.

4. Choosing to stay home could create new tensions between you and your partner if he or she isn't fully supportive of the idea. So make sure you discuss all the repercussions thoroughly before making this weighty decision.

For me, yes I do worry about my career. But since I’m pursuing my Master’s degree and get to stay at home with Miya, I feel like I’m killing 2 birds with 1 stone. I get to advance my career while not working and pay full attention to Miya. However, we do feel that pressure for not having enough income and also the pressure to come up with my tuition fees for each semester. I do feel bad for my hubby because I know he feels the stress more than me. He is the head of the family, the one that is responsible to bring food to the table. The breadwinner. I wish I could help, but I’ve made my choice of not to work. So the only thing I can do is to make sure that his trouble is worthwhile. Try to cheer him up, care for him, cook good food and try to get great marks in my studies. He has been very supportive on me doing my studies. Finally the 3rd point I mentioned earlier of child & socialization, there are times I feel bad for Miya not having any friends to play with. I’ve been wanting to bring her to some playgroups, but there are times I am just so busy, but most of the time I am just Malas. So Miya berkawan with only the both of us and also TokMa on occasional skype session. The rest of the time, Miya played with Lilia, Lulu, Tappy, “Cat with handbag” and my kitchen tools. Sometimes Miya just sembang with Elmo, Teletubbies, IglePigle & Daisy on video. I do wonder if I’m depriving her from any challenge for her development and stimulation.

note-this is in response to my bestfriend's troublesome thoughts and also to other mommies out there who wanna quit their job.


Liz said...

wow ija, kalau saya kat tempat awak, xtau la camne. hope you're doing well. insya Allah. semoga dibukakan pintu rezeki buat anda sekeluarga.

e.l.i.s.s.m.i.e said...

Insya Allah, ada laa rezeki nanti...selalu ingat perkara yang baik-baik dan Insya Allah , Allah pasti dengan kita tambah2 dah ada baby,rezeki pasti ada untuknya...

Ely Skin said...

i cuma nk ckp arini i mc, sami kat nurseri and i baru pasan pam dlm kete.. huwaaaaa...

yatie chomeyl said...

ujian untuk family u ni...hope u all tabah selalu dan di beri ganjaran yang lebih besar di kemudian hari..amin :)

Lady Qay said...

ija.hope evrytg is gonna end well for u..insyAllah bnyk bserah n btawakal pd Allah..ikhlaskn niat nk smbg blaja n jg n didik ank..ada rezki dkt mn2 nti....

-hanum- said...

Ija... no worries no worries...

tak lama lagi dpt PR.. akan kaya raya dgn duit allowance anak dan etc...

Ade pulak tu stimulus package lagi.. mane lah tau rezeki kannn...

Ape2 pon.. bagus topik ni.. from my personal point of view, you've successfuly have shown the both side of the coins reg the issue.. a good comparison can be made by the reader!!

I ade satu lagu utk you dgn Miya..

Row row row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merily merily merily merily
Life is but a dream..

Dont stop Dreaming big my sistah!! and dont forget to gently down the streaaammmm

Hajar Asyikkin said...

mya x de kawan ker?meh kwn dgn mummy.....miss u girl

Watie Aziz said...

Mama Miya,

very gud article u wrote ..salute lah i u sanggup pindah luar from Msia..as for me, i mmg cam tak berani nak tinggalkan rumah dan mulakan hidup baru @ satu tempat yg kita tak pasti untung nasib sedangkan @ masia kita dah selesa.. but u & family mmg berani ..

dun worry, rezeki allah merata2 ..especially rezeki anak .. me too WAHM .. so far alhamdulillah, i like & love being WAHM, as u said, sumtimes rindu jugak nak kerja balik tapi i love my precious time with my dotter more..kita tak tahu apa akan jadi akan dtg, so i prefer to just follow what i feel gud now ..

may Allah bless ur family always ..:)

Mama-Miya a.k.a "Jedi Hopeful" said...

TQVM for your support.... as a mom & wife, i percaya i need to be strong & ada semangat yg kuat for the future of the family...and also doa2 from my friends ni pun penting kan? TQ again...

nadnye said...

a good info for me.. macam nak quit tapi ada bermacam2 perkara difikiran..
sabar dan anggap ini dugaan dari ALLAH... INSYALLAH kalau kita tawakal dan terima dengan sabar... ALLAH akan permudahkan .. hidup nie macam roda, tak selalu dibawah.. saya doa agar dipermudahkan laluan hidup di sana..

kakyong said...

wish u all the best... nak stay there for good ker? ade apply PR yer?

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Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor nor am I a lawyer. I am not a scientist nor am I an expert. I am just a wife and a mother, who is putting her thoughts and findings in a blog. All of the posting on this website & my blogs were written by me for educational purposes and as my sentimental library, but are not meant to diagnose nor treat any medical disorders. Any other materials that I may have quote from other published materials are for educational purposes only and not for any other manipulative reasons. Anyway, whatever weird stuff that I published are the real stuff that I believe works for me. Tips and tricks that might work for me. You are free to put it in your head if you thinks its valuable, but if you think its rubbish... Please don't mock me. Do please shut your pie hole.
FUCK YOU UP!!! son of a bitch