Apr 25, 2009

Mommies coping with stress (part 1)

Its ANZAC day, so i'm on holiday. Decided not to write much today. Just wanna share with u all on what i got for myself as a reward.

How I cope with stress? I just do my best & then got myself this pink boots as my reward.

Isn't it pretty?

I feel I've just gained a 100kg of confidence, sexier & happier.

Apr 24, 2009

Bonjela danger?

Earlier today, in the news, moms fussing about bojela is dangerous & may cause harm for babies. Katanye boleh rosakkan bladder and caused reproductive cancers. It does got me worried coz I really would rely on bonjela kalau miya teething nnt.

So I did mt studies and found this:

Important Information! This is what i got from http://www.teething-babies.co.uk/.

Further to new advice on oral pain relief, we wish to reassure parents that bonjela teething gel remains suitable for teething babies over 2 months. Please see www.bonjela.co.uk for more information

Teething is one of the great milestones of your baby’s development and memories of your baby's first big toothy grin will be treasured forever. Some babies sail through the process and are showing off their first teeth before you know it, but for others it can be a more uncomfortable time, causing distress to both you and your baby.

It’s impossible to tell how your baby will react until that first tooth begins to cut, but we hope that the information and advice provided on this website will help to reassure you and ease you both through the teething process.

Within this website you’ll find information on everything from spotting the first signs that your little one is actually teething, to helping them deal with the discomfort to ideas for nutritious meals they can chomp on with their new found teeth!

bonjela Teething Gel remains suitable for children over 2 months and is not affected by any regulatory changes. bonjela teething gel has a different formulation to bonjela and bonjela cool mint gel which are now only suitable for adults over 16 years old. Please see www.bonjela.co.uk for more information on these regulatory changes.

Further I read, Bonjela have come up with new packaging on their items..so they would like for us to know that they are acting responsibily over their product. So us consumer should also play our role and be smart and not to blindly follow those obsessed over protective moms that would jump off the cliff, just to bring up the kids. Correcto Mundo!

Be a smart mom= Know on how much you are using (u know for a fact, surely kalau u gona bergelen barula ada sideeffectkan?). Know which product to use. Consult your GP or pediatrician before using any product on your little one.

Apr 19, 2009

Vege: Fresh vs Frozen

Its recession, our income is limited (living partially on study loan & my hubby’s part-time job income).

9am-4pm I’ll be either at school attending class or at home doing research, and 5pm-10pm Hubby is at work paid at $19 an hour.

So we got limited budget & time(we make it a point to go shopping together coz the last time I went shopping with Miya at Brunswick, there was this dodgy incident where a weird looking guy-either a drunk or a guy sniffing glue-trying to follow us-I caught him staring at my shopping items) for groceries shopping. What do we do? We decided to stock up on dried stuff & try to get good frozen stuff.

Halal meat & poultry will be bought in bulks, enough to last us 2weeks at least.

Dried stuff would include rice, mushroom, baking box, noodles, cookies, pasta & the usual herbs spices.

Then we came to the torn decision of vege. We really can’t afford to buy vege every couple of days and we know that it’s no good to be keeping vege for a long time in the fridge. So over a week, I did a research over the internet to make a decision between the battle of fresh vege vs frozen vege. My findings are as the following:

-In 1998, the Food & Drug Administration (FDA) confirmed that frozen fruits and vegetables provide the same essential nutrients and health benefits as fresh. It's no wonder.

-It was also proven that, frozen vege hold more nutri that fresh vege coz fresh vege are sometimes being left on the shelf too long. So they lost their nutri by being left idle on the shelf. Yup! Their nutri fades in time, but not for frozen vege. Seems like the nutri got frozen it time. Huhuhu... Unless u guys can put your hand on fresh picked vege at the fresh market.

-Frozen fruits and vegetables are nothing more than fresh fruits and vegetables that have been blanched (cooked for a short time in boiling water or steamed) and frozen within hours of being picked.

-Further, frozen fruits and vegetables are processed at their peak in terms of freshness and nutrition.

-if we buy frozen vege in bulk in many variety, it can also last for over 2weeks of consumption. So $15 worth of frozen vege can be consume for over 14-20days, unlike $42 of fresh vege for 14days (e.g. spend $3-5 per day on fresh vege).

Cukup tak these facts to justify my decision to buy frozen vege? Well for now, with this $ & time limit I’m having, I guess I have not much choice but to go for frozen. Whatever it is, we just try to provide the best, within our limits, for our family right?

Apr 17, 2009

Dolphin Parenting- If they can be good parents, y can't we?

Apr 5, 2009

Video from Miya to Both Atok, Grandma, Tokma, Tok Cik & other Granduncle & GrandAunties.

Apr 2, 2009

Optus Whale Song Ad-always got miya's attention when its on the TV

Dolphins Chillout - miya really love this

Apr 1, 2009

So what’s the best way to discipline your kid/kids? (part 2)

This is a piece of writing from Dr Phil. I found this article very interesting since I’m facing the stage where it’s time for me to start drawing the lines for Miya.
“How do you keep a 1-year-old from heading toward the DVD player? What should you do when your preschooler throws a fit? How can you get a teenager to respect your authority?
Whatever the age of your child, it's important to be consistent when it comes to discipline. If parents don't stick to the rules and consequences they set up, their kids aren't likely to either.
Here are some ideas about how to vary your approach to discipline to best fit your family.
Ages 0 to 2
Babies and toddlers are naturally curious. So it's wise to eliminate temptations and no-nos — items such as TVs and video equipment, stereos, jewelry, and especially cleaning supplies and medications should be kept well out of reach.
When your crawling baby or roving toddler heads toward an unacceptable or dangerous play object, calmly say "No" and either remove your child from the area or distract him or her with an appropriate activity.
Timeouts can be effective discipline for toddlers. A child who has been hitting, biting, or throwing food, for example, should be told why the behavior is unacceptable and taken to a designated timeout area — a kitchen chair or bottom stair — for a minute or two to calm down (longer timeouts are not effective for toddlers).
It's important to not spank, hit, or slap a child of any age. Babies and toddlers are especially unlikely to be able to make any connection between their behavior and physical punishment. They will only feel the pain of the hit.
And don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. Make sure your behavior is role-model material. You'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your child to pick up toys while your stuff is left strewn around.
Ages 3 to 5
As your child grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences, make sure you start communicating the rules of your family's home.
Explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a certain behavior. For instance, the first time your 3-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that's not allowed and what will happen if your child does it again (for instance, your child will have to help clean the wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). If the wall gets decorated again a few days later, issue a reminder that crayons are for paper only and then enforce the consequences.
The earlier that parents establish this kind of "I set the rules and you're expected to listen or accept the consequences" standard, the better for everyone. Although it's sometimes easier for parents to ignore occasional bad behavior or not follow through on some threatened punishment, this sets a bad precedent. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and it's important for parents to decide (together, if you are not a single parent) what the rules are and then uphold them.
While you become clear on what behaviors will be punished, don't forget to reward good behaviors. Don't underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have — discipline is not just about punishment but also about recognizing good behavior. For example, saying "I'm proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a child for the opposite behavior — not sharing. And be specific when doling out praise; don't just say, "Good job!"
If your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your child can misbehave before a punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be displayed before it is rewarded. Post the chart on the refrigerator and then track the good and unacceptable behaviors every day. This will give your child (and you) a concrete look at how it's going. Once this begins to work, praise your child for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem.
Timeouts also can work well for kids at this age. Establish a suitable timeout place that's free of distractions and will force your child to think about how he or she has behaved. Remember, getting sent to your room doesn't have an impact if a computer, TV, and video games are there. Don't forget to consider the length of time that will best suit your child. Experts say 1 minute for each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is calmed down (to teach self-regulation).
It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put your feet on the floor."
Ages 6 to 8
Timeouts and consequences are also effective discipline strategies for this age group.
Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of discipline or else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most part, you should act on what you say.
Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment ("Slam that door and you'll never watch TV again!") in anger, since not following through could weaken all your threats. If you threaten to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you do exactly that. The credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost beach day.
Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has already been taken away.
Ages 9 to 12
Kids in this age group — just as with all ages — can be disciplined with natural consequences. As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of discipline.
For example, if your fifth grader's homework isn't done before bedtime, should you make him or her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? Probably not — you'll miss an opportunity to teach a key life lesson. If homework is incomplete, your child will go to school the next day without it and suffer the resulting bad grade.
It's natural for parents to want to rescue kids from mistakes, but in the long run they do kids a favor by letting them fail sometimes. Kids see what behaving improperly can mean and probably won't make those mistakes again. However, if your child does not seem to be learning from natural consequences, set up some of your own to help modify the behavior.
Ages 13 and Up
By now you've laid the groundwork. Your child knows what's expected and that you mean what you say about the penalties for bad behavior. Don't let down your guard now — discipline is just as important for teens as it is for younger kids. Just as with the 4-year-old who needs you to set a bedtime and enforce it, your teen needs boundaries, too.
Set up rules regarding homework, visits by friends, curfews, and dating and discuss them beforehand with your teenager so there will be no misunderstandings. Your teen will probably complain from time to time, but also will realize that you're in control. Believe it or not, teens still want and need you to set limits and enforce order in their lives, even as you grant them greater freedom and responsibility.
When your teen does break a rule, taking away privileges may seem the best plan of action. While it's fine to take away the car for a week, for example, be sure to also discuss why coming home an hour past curfew is unacceptable and worrisome.
Remember to give a teenager some control over things. Not only will this limit the number of power struggles you have, it will help your teen respect the decisions that you do need to make. You could allow a younger teen to make decisions concerning school clothes, hair styles, or even the condition of his or her room. As your teen gets older, that realm of control might be extended to include an occasional relaxed curfew.
It's also important to focus on the positives. For example, have your teen earn a later curfew by demonstrating positive behavior instead of setting an earlier curfew as punishment for irresponsible behavior.
A Word About Spanking
Perhaps no form of discipline is more controversial than spanking. Here are some reasons why the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) discourages spanking:
• Spanking teaches kids that it's OK to hit when they're angry.
• Spanking can physically harm children.
• Rather than teaching kids how to change their behavior, spanking makes them fearful of their parents and merely teaches them to avoid getting caught.
• For kids seeking attention by acting out, spanking may inadvertently "reward" them — negative attention is better than no attention at all.
Do you need alternatives on how to get through to your children? Are you at the end of your rope? Dr. Phil offers Five Steps on How to Discipline Your Kids—without spanking.
1. Commit Yourself.
It's crucial that your child knows that you're going to do what you say you will. If you explain what a punishment will be, and then don't act on it, you will have less credibility the next time. Make a commitment to your child's discipline, and be consistent in your behavior toward them.
2. Be Realistic in Your Expectations of Your Child.
Don't ask your child to do anything he/she cannot do. Make sure that what you are asking of your child is a behavior within his or her reach — if it's not, your child will get frustrated and be less likely to listen to you in the future.
3. Define Your Child's Currency.
Find out what your child values — it could be a toy, a particular activity, or even a privilege like getting to stay awake to a particular hour. Dr Phil explains: "If you control the currency, you control the behavior that currency depends on." Once you understand what your child values, you can withdraw positive things (taking away the toy) or introduce negative things (making them take a time-out) as a form of discipline.
4. Give Your Children Predictable Consequences.
It's important for your child to understand that the same result will come from the same behavior. Make your child feel like he/she has control over their life: If your child behaves in "Way A," they need to be sure that they will always get "Consequence B." If he/she can count on the rules staying the same, they're more likely to abide by them.
5. Use Child-Level Logic.
Explain your values in terms your child can understand. Take the time to explain the reasons behind why you are asking he/she to behave in certain ways — if your child understands the kinds of behavior you'd like them to avoid, they're more likely to apply that reasoning to different situations, instead of learning to stop one behavior at a time.”

So what’s the best way to discipline your kid/kids? (part 1)

Lately, my little Miya started to show that she’s already a big girl. She expressed her feelings well, by nodding yes in confirming on something that she wants, she will pull my shirt when she wants breast milk, she will try to open the fridge when she wants juice, and she will affirm express no when she’s disapproving something. If I fail to understand any of these expression she makes, tantrum drama bound to go on air.

So this little drama queen is growing bigger and smarter... and also at times mischievous and naughty too. When she’s determined over something, nothing in this world can stop her... usually ending with me giving her a slap on her wrist. Example; she will always want to terrorize her papa’s computer or terrorize the already packed garbage bag (that I was suppose to take out ASAP), I will always warn her. I said no...But she continued doing it, then gave a FIRM NO, but she keep going on...Then i explained why i said NO... and if she keep on going...there will be a smack on the wrist.

Usually after that, either she will draw herself to another place or she will still keep on doing the stuff that I have prohibited her to do. If she draws herself to another place, this mama does feel a bit guilty (dalam hati...oh kesian anak mama, tp mama dah warning kan?). But if she continues doing the bad thing even though I’ve punished her, my blood will start boiling.

So what’s the best way to discipline your kid/kids?

Following the Islamic method, commonly there are 2 ways to discipline a child; rationalization (daily life) & cane (ibadah). Rationalization is by teaching logic of cause and effect on life’s practicality. Cane if for serious stuff, anak tak nak solat & refuse to fulfil other basic requirement in Islam. My opinion on caning berkaitan dgn ibadah ni, it very good coz kalau benda mandatory tak boleh buat, mmg eloklah kena rotan. Kalau tak tak jadi manusia kan?

I read an old skool method established during our parents and their parent’s time would be punishments through physical. Rotan, tali pinggang, cubit, tampar & pulas telingae. How far did the impact hit the kid? I dunno about others, for me, it lasted only as far as the pain lasted. Bila hilang sakit tu, usually i lupa dah balik kenapa i kena rotan or kena cubit. Hehehhee...

I read some writings by Dr. Louise Davis (expert on” Extension Child and Family Development Specialist “) dalam mendisiplinkan anak. Dia mentioned is there a difference between discipline and punishment?

Anwser is YES!! Dr Davis address matters; What is discipline? What is punishment?

Discipline is guidance. When we guide children toward positive behaviour and learning, we are promoting a healthy attitude. Positive guidance encourages a child to think before he acts. Positive guidance promotes self-control. Different styles of discipline produce results that are different. Discipline requires thought, planning, and patience.

Punishment is usually hitting, spanking, or any type of control behaviour. Basically there are four kinds of punishment:

Physical. Slapping, spanking, switching, paddling, using a belt or hair brush, and so on.

With words. Shaming, ridiculing, or using cruel words.

Holding back rewards. Example: "You can't watch TV if your chores aren't done."

Penalizing the child. Example: "Because you told a lie, you can't have your allowance."

Punishment is usually used because:

a. It's quick and easy

b. Parents don't know other methods

c. Punishment asserts adult power

d. It vents adult frustration

Punishment does not promote self discipline. It only stops misbehaviour for that moment. Punishment may fulfil a short-term goal, but it actually interferes with the accomplishment of your long-term goal of self control.

The consequences for children include the following lessons:

1. Those who love you the most are also those who hit you.

2. It is right to hit those you are closest to.

3. It is okay to hit people who are smaller than you are.

4. Violence is okay when other things don't work.

Parents and teachers would probably rather teach their children other more positive lessons.

Children who are disciplined without affection respond only to power--which means punishment and "have to be made to do."

When discipline is administered in such a way as to hurt a child's self-esteem or self-worth, the child's standards may become rigid or self-punishing. However, affection without discipline may result in children who deny responsibility or blame others. Parents and teachers of successful children maintain control.

It is better we parents understand that discipline is:

Helping a child learn to get along with family and friends, Teaching a child to behave in an agreeable way, and Helping a child learn to control behaviour.

Effective Discipline

The use of discipline is thinking and trying process. Remember:

Effective discipline is good for parent and child.

A child learns to take responsibility for his or her behaviour.

The parent keeps a warm relationship with the child.

The goal is to teach the child how to behave, not to make the child suffer.

Guidance Tips

When you discipline, explain why.

Set clear and safe limits. Be sure children know these limits. Be consistent.

Keep discipline positive. Tell children what to do instead of what not to do.

Teach by example. Be a good example. If you hit children for hitting others, they won't understand why they can't hit.

Guide through consequences. If a child leaves his toys outside and the toys are stolen or damaged--no toys.

Build self-esteem and respect. Avoid words that reduce self-esteem.

Plan ahead. Prevent misbehavior by eliminating situations that spell trouble. For example, make sure children have been fed and are rested before going to the grocery store.

Address the situation; do not judge the child. This is important because diminished self-esteem leads to insecurity, even hostility.

Be firm. Clearly and firmly state that the child does what needs to be done. Speak in a tone that lets your child know you mean what you say and you expect the child to do it. It doesn't mean yelling or threatening. Being firm works for any age child and for many situations.

Keep your cool. Listen calmly to your child's explanation of the problem; talk about ways to deal with it. Come to a solution that's agreeable to you and the child--this helps the child learn to be responsible for his behaviour.


Disclaimer: I am not a medical doctor nor am I a lawyer. I am not a scientist nor am I an expert. I am just a wife and a mother, who is putting her thoughts and findings in a blog. All of the posting on this website & my blogs were written by me for educational purposes and as my sentimental library, but are not meant to diagnose nor treat any medical disorders. Any other materials that I may have quote from other published materials are for educational purposes only and not for any other manipulative reasons. Anyway, whatever weird stuff that I published are the real stuff that I believe works for me. Tips and tricks that might work for me. You are free to put it in your head if you thinks its valuable, but if you think its rubbish... Please don't mock me. Do please shut your pie hole.
FUCK YOU UP!!! son of a bitch